


the little prince

by intertwiningwords



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Connor Lives AU, Gen, Sibling Bonding, rebuilding relationships, tw: suicide attempt mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-02
Updated: 2017-08-02
Packaged: 2018-12-10 08:33:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11687943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/intertwiningwords/pseuds/intertwiningwords
Summary: reading connor's favorite books isn't knowing him; zoe knows that. but maybe it's a start to reconnecting with him.





	the little prince

**Author's Note:**

> based on the confirmation by mike faist that the first book on connor's list of favorite books was "the little prince".

She wasn’t sure what compelled her to do it. She’d been looking for a book that Alana had recommended to her, and happened to run across a copy of The Little Prince. It was a little paperback cover, identical to the one Connor had owned when they were kids, except this one was shiny and brand-new, and his had been worn-out and tattered from being read and re-read almost every night. Zoe was sure she also drew in it as a child.

So she grabbed the book and paid for it impulsively, having been unsuccessful in finding the book she’d come for in the first place. But as she walked home, she started to regret it. How was she going to present it to him? What excuse did she have for buying it? It wasn’t Connor’s birthday, or any holiday, and he probably still had the old beat up copy somewhere. So why did she feel the need to get it for him?

Maybe for an excuse to connect. A reason to talk to him. A chance to bring up happy memories.

Neither of her parent’s cars were in the driveway when she came home, meaning she had an opportunity to talk to Connor without her mom crying and turning it into some fucking cheesy family moment.

She climbed the stairs, clutching the book to her chest, coming to a stop outside Connor’s door. She didn’t have to give it to him. She could keep the copy for herself, or shove it in her closet and forget about it, or save it for Christmas so she at least had a reasoning behind it. But no, she took a deep breath and knocked.

“What?” came Connor’s voice from behind the door.

“Can I come in?” she asked softly.

A quiet pause. “Sure.”

She turned the knob and pushed the door open, stepping into the messy bedroom awkwardly. Connor was sitting on his bed, seemingly doing nothing, so either he’d hastily tucked his laptop away when she knocked or he had truly been sitting and staring at the wall. She couldn’t tell which it was.

“What do you want?” he asked. He didn’t sound annoyed, surprisingly.

“I- Uh, well I was at the bookstore earlier and I saw… I got you this,” she finally spit out, walking forward and holding the book out to him, unable to look him in the face.  
Connor raised his eyebrows, taking the book from her slightly shaking hands. She forced herself to look up from the floor, watching his face go from confusion to almost a hint of a smile, his fingers running over the cover.

"Wow...Uh, thanks Zoe," he said.

"It was nothing I just saw it on the shelf and...I remembered how much you used to love it," she gave a small, fond laugh. "You would read it to me sometimes, when I couldn't sleep."

"Yeah, well mom and dad were never the type to read bedtime stories," Connor replied with a chuckle. It was rare to hear him laugh anymore, so though it was small and sarcastic, she savored the sound. "You always insisted it be this book. I couldn't read you anything else. You were so stubborn."

She shrugged. "Not much has changed then."

"I think a lot has changed, actually."

An awkward silence filled the room, and Connor cleared his throat, realizing he probably shouldn't have said that, and flipped open to the first page. "I think my old copy is up in the attic with all my other shit. The one you drew all over."

"Ha, yeah, sorry about that."

"Nah, it's fine. You can keep that one if you want." More silence. "Thank you, by the way. Really, this is...This is really nice."

"No problem."

Funny how such a little thing could mean so much to them. A book that had cost her eight dollars was slowly but surely pushing them closer together.

They had been so close when they were children, and they'd grown apart as they got older and Connor started to change. She hadn't understood why her big brother was suddenly pushing her away. She tried to talk to him, but he only snapped at her and locked himself in his room. She didn't know what to do, so she just followed suit.  
Sometimes it took a tragedy to make people swallow their pride and apologize. When Zoe saw him lying in that hospital bed, she was full of guilt at how blind she'd been to his pain, how she'd made no attempt to reconnect, how she treated him like shit the past few years.

But she was trying to make up for it now.

She watched him flip through the pages, a small smile twitching on her lips as she watched him flip through them at a rapid pace; he had always been a very fast reader. (He'd finished the entire Harry Potter series in less than a week.)

He seemed to forget she was there for a minute before looking up at her. "You're looking at me the same way you used to when we were little. When you wanted my attention but didn't want to ask."

She rolled her eyes. "I'm not looking at you like anything."

"What, you want me to read to you or something?"

"I'm sixteen Connor, I can read on my own, thanks," she scoffed. Part of her wouldn't object if he tried though.

"Just because you're sixteen doesn't mean you can't appreciate good literature. Sit down."

So she did.

He turned back to the first page, and started to read. " _Once when I was six years old I saw a magnificent picture in a book, called True Stories from Nature, about the primeval forest._ "

They got through the first chapter til they heard the front door opening and their parent's voices.

"I should probably...I have homework, and..." Zoe said, standing up.

"Yeah, no, go before mom loses her mind over the fact that we're 'bonding'," Connor replied. "Thank you for the book. Again."

"No problem," she replied with a smile, before leaving and shutting the door behind her. But she didn't go to her room. Instead, she asked her mother if she could go look for something in the attic.

It took some digging through several boxes, but eventually she found all of Connor's old things. Everything he had deemed childish had been thrown into boxes and put away once he turned thirteen, right around the time he started to shut himself away.

She found the book buried under a couple stuffed animals, and tucked it under her arm. Giving her mom some excuse that she couldn't find the thing she'd been looking for, she went back to her room, brushing the dust off her clothes and sitting down on her bed. The pages were covered in doodles of stars and hearts and smiley faces. The front cover had the words, "ZOE WAS HERE" written on them. She remembered Connor hadn't even been mad when he found it. He'd been amused, actually. He never got mad at her when they were little. She could do no wrong in his eyes. She missed that, but knew she didn't deserve. She had done a lot of wrong by him, and him her.

She ignored her math homework and opted to finish what her and Connor started, flipping through the book til she was too tired to focus on the words on the pages anymore.  
Reading his favorite book didn't mean knowing him, Zoe knew that. But maybe it was a start to finding a way to connect to him and rebuilding what they once had. She hoped it was.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed!!  
> i made a tumblr to correspond with this account, follow my at intertwiningwords.tumblr.com!


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